I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
