i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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