Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Randomize
