Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
