It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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