"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
