I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
