This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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