i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
