On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
