Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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