Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
