One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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