I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
