if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
