I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
