i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
