she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
