my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
