I'm going to jail i love you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
