She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
