Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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