I'm drive I can fine osifer
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
