i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize