My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
