do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
