just tell him i said nine months
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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