Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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