Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
