I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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