before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
