i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
