Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
