operation have a gay friend backfired
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
