omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
