I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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