tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
