Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize