Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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