Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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