There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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