K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
