Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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