apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think my vagina is haunted
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
