I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
