new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
