Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
