my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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