Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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