This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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