So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
