I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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