SEEEEXXX PLEASE
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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