This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
