Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
