If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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