they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
