I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
