we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
