having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
