i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
