just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she told me i tasted like america
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
