you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
