opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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