i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
