And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
