When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I love having hate sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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