Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
