i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
