When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize