toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
