stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
