he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
