I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
