What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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