My friends, they love my intelligence
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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