I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize