I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I want her autograph on my taint
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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