we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
two words: eviction party
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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